* 60 Things Not to Say *

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you ?
4. Why don't we just cuddle ?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that ?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim ?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it ?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you ?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies ?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow ?
29. Every heard of clearasil ?
30. All right, a treasure hunt !
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you ?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this ?
36. But it still works, right ?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids ?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes ?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt ?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold ?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion ?
49. What is that ?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered ?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump ?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings ?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button ?
60. Where's the rest of it ?