Animated GIFs
Sunday, July 15, 2007
* An Old Womans Wishes *
An old woman saved a fairy's life. To repay this, the fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes.
For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof ! She became young and beautiful.
For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. Poof ! She was the richest woman in the world.
For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. Poof ! The fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth.
The old lady and the fairy said their goodbyes.
After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered ?"
For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof ! She became young and beautiful.
For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. Poof ! She was the richest woman in the world.
For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. Poof ! The fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth.
The old lady and the fairy said their goodbyes.
After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered ?"
* Horny Parrot *
A guy has a horny parrot. It's terrible. Every time he reaches into the cage, the bird humps his arm.
He invites his mother to tea, the bird keeps saying foul things. Finally he takes the parrot to a vet.
The vet examines the bird extensively, says, "Well, you have a horny male parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars your bird can go in the cage with mine".
The guy's parrot is listening and says, "Come on ! Come on ! What are you waiting for ??"
Finally, the guy says all right and hands over the fifteen dollars.
The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird, closes the curtain. Suddenly, "Kwah ! Kwah ! Kwah !" Feathers come flying out of the cage.
The vet says, "Holy gee", and runs across the room and opens the curtain.
The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage, pulling out all her feathers.
The vet screams, "what are you doing to my poor parrot ?"
The male parrot replies, "for fifteen bucks, I want her naked !"
He invites his mother to tea, the bird keeps saying foul things. Finally he takes the parrot to a vet.
The vet examines the bird extensively, says, "Well, you have a horny male parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars your bird can go in the cage with mine".
The guy's parrot is listening and says, "Come on ! Come on ! What are you waiting for ??"
Finally, the guy says all right and hands over the fifteen dollars.
The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird, closes the curtain. Suddenly, "Kwah ! Kwah ! Kwah !" Feathers come flying out of the cage.
The vet says, "Holy gee", and runs across the room and opens the curtain.
The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage, pulling out all her feathers.
The vet screams, "what are you doing to my poor parrot ?"
The male parrot replies, "for fifteen bucks, I want her naked !"
* Old patient *
A Doctor recently had a patient "drop" in on him for an unscheduled appointment.
"What can I do for you today ?" the Doctor asked.
The aged Gentleman replied, "Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly catch my breath.... Doctor, I'm scarred !"
The Doctor, looking at his 86 year old patient, said, "Mr. Smith, these sensations tend to happen over time, especially to a man of your advanced years, but tell me, when did you first notice these symptoms ?"
The old gent's response was, "Well... three times last night, and twice again this morning !"
"What can I do for you today ?" the Doctor asked.
The aged Gentleman replied, "Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly catch my breath.... Doctor, I'm scarred !"
The Doctor, looking at his 86 year old patient, said, "Mr. Smith, these sensations tend to happen over time, especially to a man of your advanced years, but tell me, when did you first notice these symptoms ?"
The old gent's response was, "Well... three times last night, and twice again this morning !"
* Talking dog *
A guy walks into a bar with his dog and says, "I'll have a Scotch and water and my dog would like a whiskey sour".
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't allow animals in here".
The dog replies, "Hey, I'm tired of being discriminated against. Just give me a drink".
The bartender says, "Oh, no, not another ventriloquist with the old talking dog trick. Both of you, get out of here !"
"No, no, no, this isn't a trick, I promise you", says the man, "I tell you what, I'll go for a walk around the block and you talk to Rover here".
The man leaves and the bartender sees him turn the corner.
"Now, can I have my drink ?" says the dog.
The bartender is amazed. "Sure you can and it's on the house ! Listen, can you do me a favour ? My wife works next door at the cafe. It'll make her day if you go in and order a cup of coffee. Here's ten bucks and you can keep the change afterwards".
"Okay", says the dog and he takes the ten dollars and leaves.
Ten minutes go by and the dog doesn't come back. The owner returns and asks where is the dog. So both of them go off to see what happened to the dog.
As they approach the cafe, they see Rover going at it hot and heavy with a French poodle in the alley between the bar and cafe.
The owner shouts, "Rover ! What are you doing ! You've never done this before !"
The dog shrugged. "Hell, I've never had any money before"…
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't allow animals in here".
The dog replies, "Hey, I'm tired of being discriminated against. Just give me a drink".
The bartender says, "Oh, no, not another ventriloquist with the old talking dog trick. Both of you, get out of here !"
"No, no, no, this isn't a trick, I promise you", says the man, "I tell you what, I'll go for a walk around the block and you talk to Rover here".
The man leaves and the bartender sees him turn the corner.
"Now, can I have my drink ?" says the dog.
The bartender is amazed. "Sure you can and it's on the house ! Listen, can you do me a favour ? My wife works next door at the cafe. It'll make her day if you go in and order a cup of coffee. Here's ten bucks and you can keep the change afterwards".
"Okay", says the dog and he takes the ten dollars and leaves.
Ten minutes go by and the dog doesn't come back. The owner returns and asks where is the dog. So both of them go off to see what happened to the dog.
As they approach the cafe, they see Rover going at it hot and heavy with a French poodle in the alley between the bar and cafe.
The owner shouts, "Rover ! What are you doing ! You've never done this before !"
The dog shrugged. "Hell, I've never had any money before"…
* Passionate sex *
This couple have just met in a bar, really hit it off and gone back to her place to have wild, passionate sex.
After they have finished he lies back with a smug look on his face, "I guess that was just about the best sex you have ever had", he says.
"What makes you say that ?" asks the woman.
"Well, every time we did it, I couldn't help notice how it made your toes curl", he explains.
"Oh", says the woman, "that was just because most men wait to take off my pantyhose first".
After they have finished he lies back with a smug look on his face, "I guess that was just about the best sex you have ever had", he says.
"What makes you say that ?" asks the woman.
"Well, every time we did it, I couldn't help notice how it made your toes curl", he explains.
"Oh", says the woman, "that was just because most men wait to take off my pantyhose first".
* Mouse *
One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse.
Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him next door.
The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Shepherd.
The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery.
He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.
"Don't be afraid, darling", said the man. "Wait until I tell you about this".
"Get out of here !" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with you !"
Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him next door.
The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Shepherd.
The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery.
He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.
"Don't be afraid, darling", said the man. "Wait until I tell you about this".
"Get out of here !" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with you !"
* Elevator *
Three guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator. While they are stuck they strike up a conversation.
The first guy says, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E you know....
Young, urban, professional, peacefull, intelligent, ecologist".
The second guy says, "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y, you know...
Double Income, No kids, Yet !"
The third guy says. "I'm a R.U.B, you know....
Rich, Urban , Biker".
They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you ?"
She replies: "I'm a W.I.F.E., you know....
Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc..."
The first guy says, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E you know....
Young, urban, professional, peacefull, intelligent, ecologist".
The second guy says, "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y, you know...
Double Income, No kids, Yet !"
The third guy says. "I'm a R.U.B, you know....
Rich, Urban , Biker".
They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you ?"
She replies: "I'm a W.I.F.E., you know....
Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc..."
* Dwarfs in Vegas *
Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms. The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...HUH !" all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go ?" The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection".
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing ?" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed !"
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go ?" The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection".
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing ?" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed !"
* Tarzan and Jane *
Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.
Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure.
Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for a while.
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.
As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.
In pain she screamed 'What the hell did you do that for ?'
Tarzan replied, 'Always check for squirrels'.
Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure.
Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for a while.
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.
As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.
In pain she screamed 'What the hell did you do that for ?'
Tarzan replied, 'Always check for squirrels'.
* Lollipop salesman *
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women.
They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.
"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today.
You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession." The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living.
"I'm a cop", says the first man.
"Then we will shoot your penis off !", said the sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.
"I'm a firemen", said the second man.
"Then we will burn your penis off !", said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living ?"
And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman !"
They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.
"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today.
You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession." The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living.
"I'm a cop", says the first man.
"Then we will shoot your penis off !", said the sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.
"I'm a firemen", said the second man.
"Then we will burn your penis off !", said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living ?"
And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman !"
* I Not Come To Work *
Hung Chow calls work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legs hurt. I not come work".
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that".
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again, "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got a nice house".
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that".
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again, "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got a nice house".
* Politics *
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics ?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism".
"Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government.
We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people".
"The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.
Now, think about that and see if that makes sense",
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now".
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about".
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit".
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism".
"Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government.
We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people".
"The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.
Now, think about that and see if that makes sense",
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now".
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about".
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit".
* Sex on the Back Seat *
A guy on a date parks and gets the girl in the back seat and they make love. The girl wants it again and the guy obliges her. She wants more and they do it again.
She still wants more and the guy says "Excuse me a minute I have to relive myself".
While out of the car he notices a guy a half block away changing a flat.
He asks the guy "Look, I've got this gal in my car and I've given it to her four or five times and she still wants more. I'll change your flat if you'll take over for me".
The guy does and is just getting in the high numbers when a cop knocks on the window and shines a light on them. The cop asks "What're you doing in there ?"
The guy says "I'm making love to my wife".
The cop asks "Why don't you do that at home ?"
The guy answers "To tell you the truth, I didn't know it was my wife until you shined the light on her".
She still wants more and the guy says "Excuse me a minute I have to relive myself".
While out of the car he notices a guy a half block away changing a flat.
He asks the guy "Look, I've got this gal in my car and I've given it to her four or five times and she still wants more. I'll change your flat if you'll take over for me".
The guy does and is just getting in the high numbers when a cop knocks on the window and shines a light on them. The cop asks "What're you doing in there ?"
The guy says "I'm making love to my wife".
The cop asks "Why don't you do that at home ?"
The guy answers "To tell you the truth, I didn't know it was my wife until you shined the light on her".
* Stupid guy *
A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head -- and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.jpg)
