Animated GIFs
Friday, July 20, 2007
* Face lift *
A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result.
On his way home hes stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am ?"
"About 35", was the reply. "I’m actually 47", the man says happily.
A little while later he goes to McDonalds for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "I’d guess you’re 29 ?"
"Nope, I am actually 47". He’s starting to feel really good about himself.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question, She replies "I am 85 years old and my eyesignt is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes, I will be able to tell your exact age".
As there was no one else around the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later the old lady saus, "OK, it’s done. You are 47".
Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant ! How did you do that ?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds".
On his way home hes stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am ?"
"About 35", was the reply. "I’m actually 47", the man says happily.
A little while later he goes to McDonalds for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "I’d guess you’re 29 ?"
"Nope, I am actually 47". He’s starting to feel really good about himself.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question, She replies "I am 85 years old and my eyesignt is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes, I will be able to tell your exact age".
As there was no one else around the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later the old lady saus, "OK, it’s done. You are 47".
Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant ! How did you do that ?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds".
* Bigger it gets *
One day when the teacher walked to the blackboard, she noticed someone had written the word 'PENIS' in tiny letters. She turned around and scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it and began class.
The next day, she went into the room, she noticed in large letters the word 'PENIS' again, this time written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board. Each day the word was written larger than the previous day. Finally one day she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead she found the words:
"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets".
The next day, she went into the room, she noticed in large letters the word 'PENIS' again, this time written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board. Each day the word was written larger than the previous day. Finally one day she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead she found the words:
"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets".
* Lost old man *
When I went to lunch today, I noticed this elderly man about 75 to 80 years old sitting on a bench near the shopping centre sobbing his eyes out.
I stopped and asked him what was wrong.
He said, 'I have a 22year-old wife at home. She makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly brewed coffee'.
I said, 'Well, then why are you crying ?'
He said, 'She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me half the afternoon'.
I asked again, 'So why are you crying ?'
He continued, 'For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until midnight'.
I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be crying ?'
He answered, 'I can't remember where I live'.
I stopped and asked him what was wrong.
He said, 'I have a 22year-old wife at home. She makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly brewed coffee'.
I said, 'Well, then why are you crying ?'
He said, 'She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me half the afternoon'.
I asked again, 'So why are you crying ?'
He continued, 'For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until midnight'.
I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be crying ?'
He answered, 'I can't remember where I live'.
* Pickle slicer *
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill declined saying that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
- 'What's wrong, Bill ?' she asked.
Bill said, 'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer ?'
- 'Oh Bill, you didn't,' she said.
- 'Yes, I did', said Bill.
- 'My God, Bill, what happened ?'
- 'I got fired'.
- 'No, Bill, I mean what happened with the pickle slicer ?'
- 'Oh, she got fired too'.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill declined saying that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
- 'What's wrong, Bill ?' she asked.
Bill said, 'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer ?'
- 'Oh Bill, you didn't,' she said.
- 'Yes, I did', said Bill.
- 'My God, Bill, what happened ?'
- 'I got fired'.
- 'No, Bill, I mean what happened with the pickle slicer ?'
- 'Oh, she got fired too'.
* Bungee jumping *
What do bungee jumping and sex with a prostitute have in common ?
They both cost about $100.
They both last about 30 seconds.
And in both cases, if the rubber breaks, you're a dead man.
They both cost about $100.
They both last about 30 seconds.
And in both cases, if the rubber breaks, you're a dead man.
* Daddys home *
Saturday morning and Bob's just about to tee off for a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming round at noon.
So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
'Hello', says a little girl's voice.
'Hi, honey, it's Daddy', says Bob. 'Is Mummy near the phone ?'
'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank'.
After a brief pause, Bob says,
'But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey'.
'Yes I do and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mummy'.
'Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put the phone down, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mummy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car's just pulled up outside the house'.
'Okay, Daddy'.
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
'Well I did what you said, Daddy'.
'And what happened ?'
'Well, Mummy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran round and round screaming, then she tripped over the rug and fell out the front window and now I think she's all dead'.
'Oh my God... and what about Uncle Frank ?'
'He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too'.
There is a long pause, then Bob says,
'Swimming pool. . . what swimming pool ? Is this 555-*** .... ?'
So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
'Hello', says a little girl's voice.
'Hi, honey, it's Daddy', says Bob. 'Is Mummy near the phone ?'
'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank'.
After a brief pause, Bob says,
'But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey'.
'Yes I do and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mummy'.
'Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put the phone down, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mummy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car's just pulled up outside the house'.
'Okay, Daddy'.
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
'Well I did what you said, Daddy'.
'And what happened ?'
'Well, Mummy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran round and round screaming, then she tripped over the rug and fell out the front window and now I think she's all dead'.
'Oh my God... and what about Uncle Frank ?'
'He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too'.
There is a long pause, then Bob says,
'Swimming pool. . . what swimming pool ? Is this 555-*** .... ?'
* Sunday quickie *
Bill and Marla decided the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he said. "An ambulance just drove by". A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company", he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are making love".
Mom and Dad bolted upright in bed. "How do you know that ?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony, too", his son replied.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he said. "An ambulance just drove by". A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company", he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are making love".
Mom and Dad bolted upright in bed. "How do you know that ?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony, too", his son replied.
* Jinx *
After thirty-five years of marriage, Bernie is lying on his deathbed and with a tear in his eye he says "Annabel before I die I have to tell you something".
She replies "Yes, yes dear anything what is it ?"
He starts, "The first year we were together, I caught pneumonia and almost died. You sat by my bed and nursed me back to health".
To which the wife nods her head and he continues, "When I lost half my family in the terrible car crash, it was you by my side who kept me going.
When our kids grew up and ran away from home, you sat with me and comforted me ! And when I lost everything last year in the fire at the store, you were right by my side the whole time.
Annabel You've been through everything with me". Bernie says, "So before I die I just want you to know, you're a f*cking jinx !"
She replies "Yes, yes dear anything what is it ?"
He starts, "The first year we were together, I caught pneumonia and almost died. You sat by my bed and nursed me back to health".
To which the wife nods her head and he continues, "When I lost half my family in the terrible car crash, it was you by my side who kept me going.
When our kids grew up and ran away from home, you sat with me and comforted me ! And when I lost everything last year in the fire at the store, you were right by my side the whole time.
Annabel You've been through everything with me". Bernie says, "So before I die I just want you to know, you're a f*cking jinx !"
* Paint my house *
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.
The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward him.
Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition".
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.
The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words".
The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand.
He looked into her eyes and slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint my house".
The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward him.
Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition".
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.
The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words".
The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand.
He looked into her eyes and slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint my house".
* Putting out the cat *
You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one...
A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening.
They turned on a night light, turned on the answering machine, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house.
The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in the house because "she" always tries to eat the bird.
The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat.
The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty.
She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother".
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long", he says, as they drive away.
"Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out ! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard !"
The cabdriver veered off the road and hit a parked car.
A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening.
They turned on a night light, turned on the answering machine, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house.
The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in the house because "she" always tries to eat the bird.
The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat.
The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty.
She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother".
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long", he says, as they drive away.
"Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out ! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard !"
The cabdriver veered off the road and hit a parked car.
* Dad is rich *
An eighteen-year-old girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you ? I want to know !"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house, a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge.
If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do ?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll try again !"
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you ? I want to know !"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house, a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge.
If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do ?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll try again !"
* Get me out of here ! *
A son was placing his father into a nursing home.
"Please don't put me in there, son !" cried the old man.
The son said, "Pop, I can't take care of you & work too. I've checked the place out & it is the best one there is. I think you'll love it".
The next day the father called his son & said, "Son, you were right ! I LOVE this place, it is so great here. Thank you so much for making the decision !"
"That's swell, dad", said the son. "What makes it so great ?"
"Well", replied the dad. "Last night I was in my room & from out of nowhere, I got an erection. A nurse came in, saw me & gave me a blowjob ! I haven't had one of those in 30 or 40 years ! I'd almost forgotten what it was like ! It was fantastic !"
"That's great, dad", said the son.
A few days later the father called his son again & said "You have to get me out of here! I hate this place ! I can't live here any more !"
"What's wrong, pop ?" asked the son.
"Last night I fell down in the hallway. I was getting up and when I was on my hands & knees, a male nurse came along & sodomized me ! I CANNOT and WILL NOT live like this !"
The son said, "Dad, I know that's terrible and we'll get it straightened out, but until then, you have to understand, we have to take the good with the bad. Just hang in there".
"No, son" said the dad. "You don't understand! I get an erection maybe once a year ! I fall down two or three times a day !"
"Please don't put me in there, son !" cried the old man.
The son said, "Pop, I can't take care of you & work too. I've checked the place out & it is the best one there is. I think you'll love it".
The next day the father called his son & said, "Son, you were right ! I LOVE this place, it is so great here. Thank you so much for making the decision !"
"That's swell, dad", said the son. "What makes it so great ?"
"Well", replied the dad. "Last night I was in my room & from out of nowhere, I got an erection. A nurse came in, saw me & gave me a blowjob ! I haven't had one of those in 30 or 40 years ! I'd almost forgotten what it was like ! It was fantastic !"
"That's great, dad", said the son.
A few days later the father called his son again & said "You have to get me out of here! I hate this place ! I can't live here any more !"
"What's wrong, pop ?" asked the son.
"Last night I fell down in the hallway. I was getting up and when I was on my hands & knees, a male nurse came along & sodomized me ! I CANNOT and WILL NOT live like this !"
The son said, "Dad, I know that's terrible and we'll get it straightened out, but until then, you have to understand, we have to take the good with the bad. Just hang in there".
"No, son" said the dad. "You don't understand! I get an erection maybe once a year ! I fall down two or three times a day !"
* How a man makes love *
John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door".
John says, "Well, give me some examples".
Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key into the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me".
"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either".
Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door ?"
John proceeds to say, "Well, first, before I do anything else, I lick the lock".
John says, "Well, give me some examples".
Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key into the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me".
"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either".
Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door ?"
John proceeds to say, "Well, first, before I do anything else, I lick the lock".
* The prognosis *
Paul returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Alma that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Paul went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again ?"
Alma agrees and again they make love.
Later, Paul is getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Alma's shoulder and said, "Honey ? Please ? Just one more time before I die".
She agreed, than afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.
Paul, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up.
"Honey, I only have four hours left ! Could we... ?"
His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Paul, I have to get up in the morning ! You don't".
Alma agrees and again they make love.
Later, Paul is getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Alma's shoulder and said, "Honey ? Please ? Just one more time before I die".
She agreed, than afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.
Paul, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up.
"Honey, I only have four hours left ! Could we... ?"
His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Paul, I have to get up in the morning ! You don't".
* Girl Friend *
This boy just takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob ?"
"What ? You're crazy ???!!!" "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem".
"No !! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night no one will show up".
"I've already said NO, and NO !"
"Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you like it too".
"NO !!! I've said NO !!!"
"My love.. don't be like that..."
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her night gown with hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says".
Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will comedown and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake to tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom !"
"What ? You're crazy ???!!!" "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem".
"No !! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night no one will show up".
"I've already said NO, and NO !"
"Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you like it too".
"NO !!! I've said NO !!!"
"My love.. don't be like that..."
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her night gown with hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says".
Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will comedown and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake to tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom !"
* Naive young girl *
A naive young girl from a small town was visiting friends in San Francisco.
She phoned her mom to let her know how she was getting along.
"Things are rather strange here. I see men who hold hands, kiss and hug each other. They're called 'gays' or homosexuals.
Even more surprising, there are women here who do the same things and they are referred to as 'lesbians'.
You probably won't believe this, but some men here put their heads down on a woman's private parts and do things with their tongues".
"Good Lord", her mom said, "what do they call them ?"
"Well, after I caught my breath I called one of them PRECIOUS !"
She phoned her mom to let her know how she was getting along.
"Things are rather strange here. I see men who hold hands, kiss and hug each other. They're called 'gays' or homosexuals.
Even more surprising, there are women here who do the same things and they are referred to as 'lesbians'.
You probably won't believe this, but some men here put their heads down on a woman's private parts and do things with their tongues".
"Good Lord", her mom said, "what do they call them ?"
"Well, after I caught my breath I called one of them PRECIOUS !"
* Cops in oldies home *
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, 'Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license ?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again.
Then the same old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please ?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again, up and down the halls, weaving all over.
As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out.
He's stark naked and has an erection.
The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says,
'Oh no, not the breathalyzer again'.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, 'Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license ?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again.
Then the same old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please ?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again, up and down the halls, weaving all over.
As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out.
He's stark naked and has an erection.
The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says,
'Oh no, not the breathalyzer again'.
* Blondes Birthday *
A waiter was working one night, when a beautiful Blonde was seated in his section. He went over to take her order, and saw that she was crying.
"What's wrong, miss ? Are you ok ?" he asked.
Wiping tears from her eyes, she looked up at him and said, "My boyfriend just dumped me, and today is my birthday. Nice gift, isn't it ?"
The waiter talked with her a few moments, and was able to get her to stop crying. He kept a close eye on her, and when she had finished her meal, he went into the kitchen, cut a large slice from the best cake on the menu, and stuck a candle in it. He lit the candle, and brought it to her table. She looked very happy, and he was glad. He said, "Make a wish and blow !"
She closed her eyes, and made her wish. Then she came up to the waiter, got down on her knees, unzipped his pants, pulled out his cock, and started sucking on it. He had no idea why she was doing this, but she was really into it, sucking away, and playing with his balls. He knew that he should stop her-they didn't even know each others names-but hey, when you've got a hot blonde sucking on your cock, like you're really going to say, no don't suck it.
He stood there, enjoying every moment, and when she made him cum, he exploded inside her mouth, and she swallowed every drop of his huge, hot load. She looked up at him with a smile, and said, "Did you like it ?"
He said, "Yes, of course, you suck cock great... but I'm just wondering why you suddenly started sucking my cock ??"
She looked confused. "Well, I was just doing what you told me to".
Now he's confused. "What I told you to ?"
Smiling, she says, "Don't tell me you forgot already... You said, 'Make a wish and blow !'"
"What's wrong, miss ? Are you ok ?" he asked.
Wiping tears from her eyes, she looked up at him and said, "My boyfriend just dumped me, and today is my birthday. Nice gift, isn't it ?"
The waiter talked with her a few moments, and was able to get her to stop crying. He kept a close eye on her, and when she had finished her meal, he went into the kitchen, cut a large slice from the best cake on the menu, and stuck a candle in it. He lit the candle, and brought it to her table. She looked very happy, and he was glad. He said, "Make a wish and blow !"
She closed her eyes, and made her wish. Then she came up to the waiter, got down on her knees, unzipped his pants, pulled out his cock, and started sucking on it. He had no idea why she was doing this, but she was really into it, sucking away, and playing with his balls. He knew that he should stop her-they didn't even know each others names-but hey, when you've got a hot blonde sucking on your cock, like you're really going to say, no don't suck it.
He stood there, enjoying every moment, and when she made him cum, he exploded inside her mouth, and she swallowed every drop of his huge, hot load. She looked up at him with a smile, and said, "Did you like it ?"
He said, "Yes, of course, you suck cock great... but I'm just wondering why you suddenly started sucking my cock ??"
She looked confused. "Well, I was just doing what you told me to".
Now he's confused. "What I told you to ?"
Smiling, she says, "Don't tell me you forgot already... You said, 'Make a wish and blow !'"
* Men are men !! *
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes !"
Then she hollered... "YES ! YES ! I WON !" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll ?" The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were watching !"
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men !!
A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes !"
Then she hollered... "YES ! YES ! I WON !" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll ?" The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were watching !"
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men !!
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