* Check your Dirty IQ *

Questions...
1. When I go in, I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I ?
2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I ?
3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I ?
4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I ?
5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I ?
6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What am I ?
7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I ?
8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I ?
9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I ?
10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I ?

Answers:
1. a dentist
2. a wedding ring
3. peanut butter
4.chewing gum
5. an elevator
6. a nose
7. a newspaper boy
8. a glove
9. a crane
10. a toothbrush, of course !

Now Really !!! Just what were you thinking ?



Animated GIFs

* 60 Things Not to Say *

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you ?
4. Why don't we just cuddle ?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that ?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim ?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it ?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you ?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies ?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow ?
29. Every heard of clearasil ?
30. All right, a treasure hunt !
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you ?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this ?
36. But it still works, right ?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids ?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes ?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt ?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold ?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion ?
49. What is that ?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered ?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump ?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings ?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button ?
60. Where's the rest of it ?

* Bad Doctor *

A beautfiul woman walks into a doctors office and the doctor is awestruck. All his professionalism goes out the window.
He tells her to take off her pants and he starts rubbing her thighs.
He says "Do you know what I am doing ?"
She replies "Yes, checking for abnormalities".
He tells her to take off her shrit and bra and he starts rubbing her breats. He says "Do you know what I am doing now ?"
She replies "Yes, checking for lumps and cancer".
Finally, he tells he takes off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her, and starts having sex with her. He says "Do you know what I am doing now ?"
She replies "Yes, getting herpies. That's why I am here"…

* Life in reverse *

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
I mean, life is tough.
It takes up a lot of your time and what do you get at the end of it ?
A death.
What's that, a bonus ?
I think the life cycle is all backward.
You should die first, get it out of the way.
Then you live in an old age home.
You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You do drugs, alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school.
You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as an orgasm.

* Occupational Hazard *

Three men are on a road trip when they pull over to stay at a hotel that they see. They go in and see the lady who apparently runs the joint and they ask her for a vacant room.
She replied, "Sure, but only if you DON'T go into the basement !".
The men agree and she gives them a room.
That night, the men are so curious that they sneak into the basement... only to find that it's full of chopped off dicks !! The woman that runs the places sees them and says, "Okay, now I'm going to have to add you all to my collection".
She asks the first man, "What does YOUR father do for a living ?" and he says "Well, my dad is in the lawnmoving business".
So the woman finds a lawnmover and off goes his dick.
The woman asks the second man, "What does YOUR father do for a living ?" and he replies in tears "My dad is in the tool supply industry".
So she finds a saw and off does his dick.
The woman then turns to the third guy only to see that he is laughing hysterically ! "Why the hell are you laughing ?!? Don't you know what's going to happen to you !?!"
He smiles and says, "Yeah, my dad is in the lollipop business - you're gonna hafta suck mine off !"…

* Dad and Son on a road *

This guy was taking his son on a roadtrip... and the man pulls out a bottle of beer. The son looking so amazed goes "Dad can i have one ?"
The man replies "Can your dick touch ur ass ?"
The son says "No" the dad replies "Then your not old enough". A few miles later the dad pulls out a ciggarette. The son says "Dad can i have a drag". The dad goes " Can your dick touch your ass ?"
The son replies once more "No"... The dad then stops off at a gas station noticing that his son isn’t having too much fun and buys him a lottery ticket... Turns out the lottery ticket was a winning one… The dad then goes to the son "Hey how bout u share some of that with ur old man". The son then replies "Can your dick touch ur ass ?" and the dad in excitement bursts out screaming "Yes Yes Yes !" and the son replies....
"Good... go fuck yourself then..."

* Construction Workers *

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor.
He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language. The man on the 3rd floor does sign language.
He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.
The man on the 1st floor knods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says, "What the fuck is wrong with you dumbass ? I said I need handsaw !!"
The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming".

* Italian honeymoon *

Maria just got married and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin and very inexperienced around men.
So, on her wedding night, while staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her.
'Don't worry Maria', says the mother. 'Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you'.
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest.
Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says,
- 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest'.
- 'Don't worry, Maria', says his mother. 'All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you'.
So up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs.
Again Maria ran downstairs to her mother.
- 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs'.
- 'Don't worry Maria. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you'.
So, up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing the better part of three toes.
When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs.
- 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot-and-a-half'.
- 'Stay here and stir the pasta,' says the mother. 'This is a job for Mama !'

* Don't kiss girls *

There was a boy whose parents were very strict in his upbringing.
They never allowed him to meet any girls, except his own relatives.
However, one day he saw one of his best friends kissing a girl and he went to his mother and asked her what they were doing.
His mother told him, "It's called kissing and any boy who does that to a girl will die that very minute !"
On his 21st birthday he went out with some friends who introduced him to one of the sweetest girls around town.
She knew that he had never been kissed before. When she eventually got some time alone with him, she tried to kiss him but he resisted.
She asked him, "What are you afraid of, it won't hurt".
He said, "My mother said if I kiss a girl I'll die this very minute !!"
She replied, "Don't be a baby, now come on kiss me". With that she gave him a hot one square across the lips.
He began to cry, "Oh no I'm going to die !!!"
She said, "Why are you going to die ?"
He replied, "I've just kissed you and already one part of me has begun to get stiff !"